Pat On The Back

I’m relatively certain that a lot of people who read this blog also read my step-daughter Regan‘s blog and will have already heard the news but I feel the need to write a proud mother post. Because Regan, my sweet baby girl, has been accepted into her first choice university. Providing she gets the exam results she’s predicted – and she’s predicted higher than she needs – she will be leaving us in the Autumn, and moving almost as far away from us as is possible and still actually be on the mainland UK. From London to Aberdeen. Hope she’s got her thermals and electric blanket packed!

I am a little sad at that, at the thought of her leaving the nest but at the same time, I am so so SO proud of what she’s achieved.

The last couple of years haven’t been easy for her. Her mum died, Jade Rachel had a breakdown and Regan ended up living with her father. Not that living with her dad was at all a bad situation just completely different to everything she’d experienced at that point. It took Jade Rachel a couple of years to pull herself back together, get back to London, regain custody of Regan. And then Regan had to cope with moving a couple of times while they found the right house.

And then there was me. It cannot have been easy for her to have me come into her life, to have her other mum falling in love with someone else. Neither Jade Rachel or I will ever replace Regan’s mum Shaine, and nor would we want to. We make sure she’s still part of Regan’s life, as much as we can. Regan also had to cope with not being an only child anymore and having this baby, then toddler, around.

She didn’t only cope, she excelled and she blossomed. I have had such a pleasure watching her grow from a smart tween to this intense young woman. Have I mentioned I’m really fucking proud of her?

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Reason To Believe

One of the questions I seem to get asked more than anything is how I can be both Christian and bisexual. ‘Oh, you’re Christian? But I thought you were gay?’ is the usual reaction.

Yes, I’m Christian.
No, I’m not gay. I’m bisexual and married to an amazing woman.
No, I don’t think the two are a contradiction in terms.

My general response is along the lines of God created me the way He saw fit and He loves me. I mostly tend to feel sorry for people who judge me based on who I love and pray for them to be more aware of the love that surrounds all of us.

I have never felt unloved by God. I have never felt alone. He sees my actions, he feels my emotions, my pain – sees me striving for greatness – when no one else can or will ever know. I find truth in the innate desire to never feel alone, to fall in love, to live happy, to become what one dreams to achieve.

If all those subjective reasons to believe in God mean to you that I’m delusional – it’s what people put a word and meaning to feelings they can’t describe, to hopes they can’t share. These are things that are deeply engraved into a person’s soul. The truth is – no one has ever seen God, and no one can produce him. It’s a risky belief for some because God can’t be produced. This is when people build faith and fuel it with going to church, reading the Bible, praying, serving others.

However, when one seeks to know if God exists – something incredible happens. When one receives knowledge that God is real, one can never deny (even under penalty of death) that God is real. I takes a sincere dedication to live that way.